A Lynn pair of cargo pants pled guilty to the involuntary suit-slaughter of a double-breasted tuxedo at Voyiagis Tuxedo and Tailors on Western Ave. today. The pants were sentenced to permanent display at Old Navy, never to be worn again.
The Fashion Police decreed that the pants must always wear a belt so as not to hang down and expose the undergarments, along with a T-shirt and thong sandals. Baggy trousers could not be reached for comment.
The tuxedo was beaten beyond recognition, its lapels ripped to shreds. In an effort to bring it back to life, Tennessee Tuxedo and Chumly are employing Mr. Whoopie's Way-back Machine to go back in time and prevent the horrific event. "I will not fail!" proclaimed Tennessee.